Adulting Isn't Just A Meme, But A Real And Valid Struggle
Adulting: a term used by young adults to describe the struggles they're having with adulthood, and also sometimes used derisively by older adults to make fun of young adults struggling with adulthood.
In the past 10 years, there has been a lot of shaming young adults, and even people into their 30s, for struggling with doing things previous generations seemed to do with ease. Things like getting a job, doing grocery shopping, making meals, mending clothes, house keeping, handling money, and a whole host of other things that make up the sphere of adult responsibilities have proven to be very difficult for the current generations of young adults. And I'm here to say that that shame is not justly earned. Yes, the previous generations were able to do it, but they were in a very different time and situation than we are today, and I'm going to explain several reasons why it's so difficult now.
1. The past two generations have been the most underprepared generations in millennia, if not for all of history, and spoiler alert; it's not their fault.
With the advent of public schools, education in every sphere of life has been slowly and systematically handed over to the public school system, which is known for its inadequate funding and outdated methods for educating young people. It used to be that you would learn how to cook, clean, mend your clothes, shop, handle money, and prepare for adult life from your parents. However, the current generations of young adults have had little to no contact with their parents, as parents have largely handed off parenting duties to the school system and have, instead, pursued their own careers.
Despite school funding supposedly increasing throughout the years, the US isn't even in the top 10 in education in the global ranks. Our schools have, by and large, failed to teach even the basic elements of education to much of our population, especially in areas where families are struggling just to afford to have food and housing. Kids are graduating public high schools with worse educations than previous generations, and those that have succeeded have done so in spite of the system, not because of the system.
2. The American education system has purposefully taught kids not to have initiative.
You older adults don't believe me? When was the last time you had to ask if you could go to the bathroom at your job? Up until they're 18, students have to ask just to go use the bathroom or change their pad. Their entire time in school is dictated by others. Where in this picture are they learning to do things without being told? When are they learning to self-govern?
People my age, you are taught from childhood until adulthood to follow the rules, do what you're told, where to go, how you can dress, what you should learn, and even how you should think. Graduation rolls around and suddenly...that's all gone. You can do and be what you want, but for the first time in your life, all the guidelines and boundaries that have shaped your life are gone. Which leads me to the next point:
3. Everything after high school is new and strange.
The alarm that goes off to get you to school suddenly isn't going off for that; instead, you have to get yourself up and go find a job. For the past 12+ years of your life, you've gotten up to go to school, and now your day has to be filled with a job that you have to FIND. And a part time job that's scheduled around high school is vastly different from a full time job, and so is the hiring process. And even the food schedule that others chose for you is now gone, and you have to decide when to eat, and now, you might not even have mom and dad going food shopping. Grocery shopping alone has a sharp learning curve, to say nothing of cooking. And your friends aren't inherently around you; now you have to pursue those friendships around the job that you have to find. Everything up to this point, for MANY students, was just a part of your life that you now suddenly have to pursue, and no one has ever taught you how to pursue it.
4. The rules have changed from what your parents experienced, so their advice is often unhelpful.
People my age, you are taught from childhood until adulthood to follow the rules, do what you're told, where to go, how you can dress, what you should learn, and even how you should think. Graduation rolls around and suddenly...that's all gone. You can do and be what you want, but for the first time in your life, all the guidelines and boundaries that have shaped your life are gone. Which leads me to the next point:
3. Everything after high school is new and strange.
The alarm that goes off to get you to school suddenly isn't going off for that; instead, you have to get yourself up and go find a job. For the past 12+ years of your life, you've gotten up to go to school, and now your day has to be filled with a job that you have to FIND. And a part time job that's scheduled around high school is vastly different from a full time job, and so is the hiring process. And even the food schedule that others chose for you is now gone, and you have to decide when to eat, and now, you might not even have mom and dad going food shopping. Grocery shopping alone has a sharp learning curve, to say nothing of cooking. And your friends aren't inherently around you; now you have to pursue those friendships around the job that you have to find. Everything up to this point, for MANY students, was just a part of your life that you now suddenly have to pursue, and no one has ever taught you how to pursue it.
4. The rules have changed from what your parents experienced, so their advice is often unhelpful.
"Back in my day, we'd go pound the pavement and ask to see the manager." "Managers want to see your face before they look at your resume." Sound familiar? This is the common hiring advice that young adults hear from their parents and elders, and frankly, it's outdated.
Now, everything is done online, and how it's done online is changing on a year by year basis, and differing from one company to the next. There is a process to apply for each company and hiring managers/HR don't want people walking into their office thinking that they can ignore the rules and processes. That doesn't work, and actually actively works against your chances of being hired unless you're dealing with a very old school company. The days when you could walk into any store and be hired on the spot are gone. The only places that are hiring that desperately these days are places that have a high turnover rate, and you definitely don't want to work in those places.
5. They struggled with it, too!
Previous generations struggled with adulting as well. The difference between them and us is that they tended to hide their struggles. They didn't have social media to show their struggles or document it for us. However, there are stories told of hilarious cooking mistakes done by young adults of previous generations. Or of people accidentally killing their mode of transportation, be it horse or car, by ignorance. Or of people struggling to just be adults. The previous generations DID struggle with their roles in adulthood, and what's even more hypocritical about their criticism is that they did it in community, and with others helping them, usually in the context of marriage and family. Which brings up the most important point:
Now, everything is done online, and how it's done online is changing on a year by year basis, and differing from one company to the next. There is a process to apply for each company and hiring managers/HR don't want people walking into their office thinking that they can ignore the rules and processes. That doesn't work, and actually actively works against your chances of being hired unless you're dealing with a very old school company. The days when you could walk into any store and be hired on the spot are gone. The only places that are hiring that desperately these days are places that have a high turnover rate, and you definitely don't want to work in those places.
5. They struggled with it, too!
Previous generations struggled with adulting as well. The difference between them and us is that they tended to hide their struggles. They didn't have social media to show their struggles or document it for us. However, there are stories told of hilarious cooking mistakes done by young adults of previous generations. Or of people accidentally killing their mode of transportation, be it horse or car, by ignorance. Or of people struggling to just be adults. The previous generations DID struggle with their roles in adulthood, and what's even more hypocritical about their criticism is that they did it in community, and with others helping them, usually in the context of marriage and family. Which brings up the most important point:
6. Previous generations weren't going it alone as a way of life; successful people were successful because of their support network.
You're currently trying to hold down a job, go shopping, cook, clean, and take care of social obligations all by yourself and you're feeling overwhelmed. You feel like you can't do this alone and you wonder how previous generations did it. The truth is, they didn't.
In past generations (think, before the 1950s), you'd live at home with your parents until you married. Not only did you grow up being trained to do basic life skills (something we desperately need today), but you also didn't usually move out until you married. Once married, the husband would traditionally take on the role of bread winner, as well as taking on the heavier duty chores and some of the child rearing, while the wife would traditionally do the shopping, baking, cleaning, and the bulk of the child rearing. It worked because the division of labor was (supposedly) equal. Not always, of course, but it wasn't usually just one person trying to do the work of two people. Having one person work to earn money, and one person to run the home and teach/raise the children meant that no single person had to do everything except for in a crisis.
When you are living on your own, you're doing the work of two people. It is hard to do that, and frankly? All the older folks who are making fun of young adults haven't ever really done that. Most of them married right out of high school or college, and the division of labor was automatically assumed. You know what happens when one person of an older married couple dies? The other person goes downhill. Typically, the women can't do the heavy labor and repairs that were required to keep the house from falling apart or the car from breaking down, and the men typically don't know how to run the home, cook, or do shopping.
You're currently trying to hold down a job, go shopping, cook, clean, and take care of social obligations all by yourself and you're feeling overwhelmed. You feel like you can't do this alone and you wonder how previous generations did it. The truth is, they didn't.
In past generations (think, before the 1950s), you'd live at home with your parents until you married. Not only did you grow up being trained to do basic life skills (something we desperately need today), but you also didn't usually move out until you married. Once married, the husband would traditionally take on the role of bread winner, as well as taking on the heavier duty chores and some of the child rearing, while the wife would traditionally do the shopping, baking, cleaning, and the bulk of the child rearing. It worked because the division of labor was (supposedly) equal. Not always, of course, but it wasn't usually just one person trying to do the work of two people. Having one person work to earn money, and one person to run the home and teach/raise the children meant that no single person had to do everything except for in a crisis.
When you are living on your own, you're doing the work of two people. It is hard to do that, and frankly? All the older folks who are making fun of young adults haven't ever really done that. Most of them married right out of high school or college, and the division of labor was automatically assumed. You know what happens when one person of an older married couple dies? The other person goes downhill. Typically, the women can't do the heavy labor and repairs that were required to keep the house from falling apart or the car from breaking down, and the men typically don't know how to run the home, cook, or do shopping.
You, however, young person living on your own, are expected to do BOTH roles. And that's hard to do! It's a struggle. And you know what? It's ok to struggle with it. There's going to be a hard learning curve. Let's figure this out together. Let's give each other advice, and tell each other where you can get better deals on gas, or who has the best fruit, which bank doesn't charge to use their accounts, and how you can cut corners in cleaning to make it easier on yourself. Older adults weren't expected to know how to work outside the home AND run the home all by one person; don't let them look down on you for struggling to figure out more than they did with far less help than they ever had.
Very insightful!
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